I felt like I wanted to die today. I literally said I wish I could did. That is pathetic to think about right now and it’s only been like 3 hours since I said it & cried for a good 5 minutes in my car. I’m scared. And I feel alone. Like there’s no one I can talk to this about. Because noone would understand. I can barely look at myself sometimes I feel so disgusted by the actions I do in my own privacy. I hate the person not that I am. Bc this isn’t who I am. It’s who I’m going up become if I keep allowing myself to make the same mistakes over and over again. Call me crazy. But I’m fucking insane. My my literally drives me insane to the point where I can barely fluctuate a simple thought and instead spurt 8 at one time or repeat one. The point is. I don’t where to go from here. When nothing seems to work..wrong. When the going gets tough„.fuck it. I can’t express how I truly feel in stupid overly analyzed words on this stupid shit. Gonna go speak to god again…in my head. Even though it’ll end up giving me another fucking headache. That’s just another humble reminder that I’m living and better off alone.